Sorry for not putting anything up sooner, heres the first part of my fanfic, still workin on it so it is looking a lil bit mangled:
“Untitled”
The pack surged forward; their shrill chittering cries a cruel counterpoint to the blood curdling shrieks of Rilkans fallen men. Of the ten men who had accompanied him into the foreboding Shroud mountains only broad-shouldered Tumas and rat-faced Nikolin stood along with him, all backs pressed to the surrounding cliffs as the two dozen surviving morin’ku rushed down the bottleneck, eager to rend flesh and break bone.
Morin’ku were far from animals; far less. What little Rilkan knew of their creation was more than enough to turn his stomach. The body of each morin’ku was an algamation of many beasts, each one butchered, mangled and stitched into a desired form, given life through spirits bound into its bloody flesh. Those spirits, the morri, would only answer the call of blood offerings, and were the ultimate source of all the powers that a sorcerer, gold masked serathi or otherwise, could call upon.
And of all the disparate creeds of blood sorcery, only the serathi, sworn enemies of Rilkans lineage, had the combination of knowledge and insanity to create the morin’ku abominations; insanity because the morin’ku were given to nothing but the acts of death. Filled as they are by morri spirits, morin’ku would fall upon first their creator and then each other in an orgy of violence if not quickly bound to their creators will.
All that stood between a serathi and his twisted minions was his will focused through the golden deathmask that gave his kind their prodigious gift in blood magic. It was testament to the power of Rilkans prey that the sorcerer could control such a large number even with the aid of so potent a focus.
As the horde scrambled over their own dead Rilkan firmed his grip on his morrin dai-chan, his bloodied blade, his last physical link to a past as the mournish sorcerer Rilkshan, heir to the ancient legacy of lost Morrindu the Dark. He would have his vengence!
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To begin with, the story seems to be more of a passage, perhaps a paragraph from a larger piece, like a multi chaptered piece you'd been working on?
ReplyDeleteThis is only because you take us into the scene after, perhaps, a major conflict. And this is good, as the reader is automatically drawn in, as though they should already know what has happened, but does not so the reader will have questions forming as to what had happened to these fallen men.
Like who or what is Rilkan? a village, a person -leader?- because these men seem to belong to this Rilkan you have to put an apostrophe before the s to indicate this. Rilkan's men.
Sounds like an interesting premise to a longer story, what's the title? I hope yuou can come up with one as the title is an integral component.
Awesome.
What is 'algamation'? I cannot find it in any dictionary - do you mean 'amalgamation'?
ReplyDeleteI know that the English vocabulary is very rich... but THAT rich... I had to look up nearly every second world =\ However, I think that pleads for you as a good writer. I am really looking forward to reading the rest of your story!
Em.Kay: yeah i got the idea for starting in the middle of a scene from a book i read recently, worked there, so i tried it here :)
ReplyDeletefunny thing, i never considered the men left screamin at the start, once i did i rewrote the ending and i think it turned out better for it, ty. Rilkans ment to be a character, the focus of the story i supposse...
Mohnkuchen: yeah ment amalgamation, lol go spell checker. yeah i tend to use heaps of random words, ive never been able to kick the habbit cos i always feel its lacking when i fix things.... such a pain ae